I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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