we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Where is the hickey?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
