i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
