my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
