somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
