Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
