i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
