shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
