just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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