it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
