mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
