Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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