I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
