hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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