end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
