i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
