The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is Oprah even human
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
