Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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