I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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