Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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