could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The air was thick with penises
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
