Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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