we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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