conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
