So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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