Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
