Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
