lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
