mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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