I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
