I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
