My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
