someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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