I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
