I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
