I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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