3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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