what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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