Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
