Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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