Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
