I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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