I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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