i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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