i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
