Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
