I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
