it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
