Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
