Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
