so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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