i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
