New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
