i barfeds in our rink
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
