One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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