i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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