It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
