you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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