idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
