gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
