I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
