North Korea, Best Korea!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
