My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
