i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
