Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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