This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
