Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
