You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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