i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
