Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
