Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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