I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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