We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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