I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
