I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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