Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
