Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
