Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
