So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
