Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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