How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love how my cats smell like pot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
