I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
