I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
